If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
