She tied me up with her honor cords...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
