The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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