My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
