he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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