Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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