if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
