"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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