at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
