I will die if light touches me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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