Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
