So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
