I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
