Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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