apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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