I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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