I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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