I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
