Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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