How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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