Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
