it wasn't lemon gatorade
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
