I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
