If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
