when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
