How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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