you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
