Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We left the knife in your bed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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