my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
