True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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