then he tried to convert me to islam
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
