haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
