I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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