tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
