I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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