At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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