the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
