new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
