I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize