Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
