wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
