That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
