Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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