Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
