is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
