i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
