giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
