Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
