I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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