i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize