do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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