I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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