We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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