When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
