You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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