it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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