when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
