I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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