Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
