I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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