A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
