meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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