is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I want her autograph on my taint
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think your dad took our porno
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
