she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
