Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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