my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
