i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
