you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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