I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
