so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
