We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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