had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
