I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
