Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
