She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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