that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
