go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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